


Broken

by spasticVocalist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, John is dead, M/M, Ohmygogimsosorry, Sadstuck, and the first one to figure them out gets to brutally maim and maybe even murder me, because i am a horrible person, ihadfeelsandicouldnthelpitiswear, on the bright side, there are subtle references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-13 23:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2169558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spasticVocalist/pseuds/spasticVocalist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young man stands at the foot of his lover's grave, defeated, broken.<br/>Said lover's ghost may or may not be watching and keeping his promise. </p><p>~</p><p>iregretsomanythings<br/>halp</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

A young man stands alone in a field. Gloomy gray clouds blanket the sky, and a chilly breeze ruffles the short male's already messy hair. The bags under his eyes are darker than they used to be; it doesn't seem as though he has slept, showered, or eaten in days. His face dons an expression of impassiveness as opposed to the grimace it more commonly wears. He stares at a stone in front of him, his gray eyes dull, having long since lost the burning rage of a thousand suns. 

The man's name is that of Karkat Vantas. Though today it would have been different, if only the stone in front of him did not exist. For it is no ordinary stone. It is the gravestone of his late fiancé: John Egbert. 

•••

It had all been going so well. 

We had been making progress with my depression and my self deprecation. 

For once in my miserable life, I hadn't felt like the scum of the scum of the deepest pits of the Earth. For once, I had actually been able to smile. 

I had finally found him.

My other half.

My true love. 

My soulmate. 

John Egbert was the best thing to ever happen to me. 

He was the only person in all of existence who could get me to genuinely smile. The only one who could make me forget all the times I fucked up. Who could make me feel real happiness. 

We were going to get married today.

It wasn't going to be anything big; just a few close friends and family, and a small ceremony in his cousin's back yard. Then we would have eaten in her house, which is basically a fucking mansion, and after that, he and I would be off on our honeymoon. 

Numbly pulling my hand out of my hoodie pocket, I glance at the time. 

If everything had gone to plan, we would be saying our "I do's" right about now. 

I wore the suit that I would have worn today, yesterday; at his funeral.

I roughly shove my hand back into my hoodie. 

It's not the weather; I barely even notice the icy breeze as it freezes the tips of my nose and ears. It's because thinking about what could have been is too painful. 

It stabs my aching heart and fills my chest with a deep void. 

You would think that a void would be weightless, but the one tearing through my insides weighs at least ten metric fuck tons. 

The weight has weighed me down so much, that I don't even have the strength to be mad at reality for being so cruel, or at the world for ripping away the last thing I cared about, or even at John himself for leaving me alone. 

I stare at his headstone, vision once again beginning to blur. 

_In memory of John Egbert.  
April 13, 1996~October 20, 2019  
Beloved son, brother, cousin,  
friend, and fiancé.   
His life stolen from him  
before he could truly live it._

Five days ago. 

The last time I saw him was five motherfucking days ago. 

He had been peppy as ever, getting dressed to run some errands. 

I still remember exactly what he wore that day. The dork had tried to escape in a neon green sweater and blue pants. Not jeans. Bright fucking blue pants. Of course I had to stop him and force him to go change into a more sane outfit. I thought I had been saving him. I knew that Kanaya was also out buying groceries, and if he had bumped into her while shopping, she would have had both our necks.

He ended up wearing a sweater the same vivid blue as his eyes, accompanied by a worn pair of jeans. 

Before he left, he gave me a kiss and hug, and for some reason he felt the need to whisper in my ear that he would never leave me. Then he got in his car and I never saw him alive again. 

It had been a head on collision. Neither of them should have had a chance, but the lowlife (who had been more high off his ass than even Gamzee has dared to get) had barely had a scratch on him. The bastard had killed John and then had the audacity to get out of his fucking car and flee the scene of the crime. My only consolation is that the fuckwad had apparently wandered into a dark alley and gotten himself shot by some crime lord. 

If only I had just let him wear that horrific outfit he had chosen for himself. 

I would take getting nagged by Kanaya over... Over _this_ any day. 

I can still hear his voice in the back of my mind, " _I love you so much, Karkat. I promise, I will_ never _leave you._ "

A burst of thunder roars, and it begins to rain. 

You lied, John. You fucking lied! You said you wouldn't leave me here, but you did! You left me here all by myself, and you know I can't control my depression without you! You fucking know I can't! I was half dead when we met, and the only reason I didn't kill myself that afternoon, like I had fucking already planned to, was because of you! And all you did was smile and fucking say "hi"! That's all you did, John! That is the only goddamned reason I am still on this shit-spewing, sorry excuse of a planet! Because you were the only person who didn't look at me and say, "Oh, that poor little malnourished shitstain! He must be fucking homeless!" You looked past my emancipated frame and disheveled hair and you saw a fucking person! You actually saw _me_!

I don't realize that I'm shrieking this out loud until I choke on a sob and fall to my knees. I put my head in my hands, and cry at the foot of my lover's grave for what feels an eternity. Eventually, I run out of tears, and I just sit there. I sit and stare at John's headstone, at the bouquets surrounding it, at the freshly turned earth from yesterday's funeral, underneath six feet of which his body will rest till the end of time. 

I will never get to see him again. Never get to hear his dorky laugh, or his beautiful voice. I will never again be able to hug him, or kiss him, or make love to him. I'll never get to fight over which movie to watch with him. 

I will never again get to just _be_ with John. 

I stand. Pulling something from my pocket, I place it on the slab of gray in front of me, mutter five words and leave. 

I am broken. 

And the only one who knew how to fix me is gone. 

The only hope I have left is that I will be able to join him soon.

•••

I awaken to a feeling of weightlessness. 

Strange. 

I don't remember falling asleep.

The last thing I remember is driving to the store. 

Wait, no. I don't remember arriving at the store. 

But I know I was headed there. 

Why can't I remember getting to the store?!

Ok, calm down. I just have to retrace my steps. 

I woke up at seven. Then I made breakfast for myself and Karkat. Then I got dressed, but Kar made me change because he said my outfit didn't match (I thought it looked pretty cool!). Then I gave Karkat a kiss and a hug, and told him I loved him. Then I left, and drove down to the store. 

No, I only made it halfway. 

I was at an intersection, and before the light could turn green, I saw some dumbass come rocketing down the road across from me... Then I blacked out. 

So, I must be at the hospital right?

Yeah. That guy must have crashed into me. I hope he's alright.

And the reason I can't feel anything is because they have me on a crap ton of pain meds. 

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. 

And if I open my eyes, Karkat will be there, probably pissed off at me for not being more careful. 

Everyone else will be there too! And I'll be surrounded by flowers and 'get well soon' cards! Maybe even some chocolate! Mmm. As long as it doesn't have any peanuts! I could die if I ate any of those! Heh heh. 

Slowly, I crack open my eyes. 

...

At least I was right about three things. 

Obviously that guy crashed into me. 

But I'm not at a hospital. 

Karkat's there. 

But no one else is. 

I'm surrounded by flowers. 

But not 'get well soon' cards. 

Because I'm not going to be   
getting well any time soon.   
I'm dead. 

There is no 'getting well' when you're dead. 

HOLYFUCKAWHORESHITONABITCHDAMNITALLTOHELLINFINITYANDBEYOND

HOLYFUCKIMDEAD!!!!

I'm not supposed to be dead! I was gonna marry Karkat on Friday! 

We were gonna get married and live happily ever after!!!

Nononononononononononononononono!!!!! This can't be happening!!!!

I automatically shut up as Karkat begins to speak. 

"You lied, John." He breathes hoarsely, voice ravaged by the no doubt countless tears he shed over my death. "You fucking lied! You said you wouldn't leave me here, but you did!" I didn't mean to. "You left me here all by myself, and you know I can't control my depression without you! You fucking know I can't!" I know it's hard Karkat, but you're strong! I know you can do it! You have to! "I was half dead when we met, and the only reason I didn't kill myself that afternoon, like I had fucking already planned to, was because of you! And all you did was smile and fucking say 'hi'! That's all you did, John! That is the only goddamned reason I am still on this shit-spewing, sorry excuse of a planet! Because you were the only person who didn't look at me and say, "Oh, that poor little malnourished shitstain! He must be fucking homeless!" You looked past my emancipated frame and disheveled hair and you saw a fucking person! You actually saw _me_!"

I never knew that...

Karkat drops to his knees and begins to sob. He's so beautiful, even when he's like this. He never thinks so, but I know he is. 

The rain falls with his tears. It darkens his unnaturally natural bright red hair, and I just want to hold him. I just want to hold him and never let go. 

But I can't.

I can never touch him again because I'm dead. 

So, instead, I sit and weep with him. 

After a while, he stops crying, but he doesn't get up. He just stares in front of him without any expression. A few more moments pass, and he finally stands. 

He walks forward, and I follow. He grabs something small from his pocket and sets it on my gravestone. 

Our rings. 

The ones we were going to put on each others fingers and say "I do" with. 

Before he takes his small, pale hand away, I notice something. 

He's still wearing the engagement ring. 

Softly, he mumbles, "Until death do us part."

Then he turns around and walks away. 

I follow closely behind him. 

I did promise, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I cried while writing this, if it makes you feel any better?...
> 
> killmenow


End file.
